While a little different than the typical post you find on M of Hearts, today is a little different. Today is my friend Steve’s 29th birthday. And I can’t help but wonder how he would be celebrating today.
Steve passed away on March 22, 2009. And recently I opened up and finally admittd how depressed I was for months after his passing. The summer of 2009 I would spend my nights outside reading books under the stars while most 23-year-olds would be out at bars and clubs. It was no shock to anyone that I was hurting, and I wasn’t alone. Steve was this magnificent person with a personality to match. He was involved in so many clubs and organizations and really brought people of all personalities together. When you walked into a room, and Steve was there, he would make you feel so welcome and invited. And if you were to just be meeting him, he would make you feel like you knew him forever.
There is not a day that goes by that Steve isn’t on my mind. I wear a silver ring on my pointer finger that he gave to me years ago. I put it on the day he passed away and I haven’t taken it off since. I get so many comments and questions about this ring which allows me the opportunity to share stories and talk about him. When I began to do this, I realized how much better I felt talking about the happy, hilarious and good memories, rather than keeping everything that hurt inside. Perhaps that is why I am sharing this with you all today… to celebrate his life rather than hold inside how much I miss him.
Today is a little more tough in my eyes than March 22 because it hits me a little harder. 29. He would be 29. In two short months, I will be turning 29. I wonder what he would be doing: Where he would be working, where he would be living. Even wondering what he’d be wearing or what new tattoos he would be getting. I wonder if he would still sing to ‘The Lion King’ soundtrack while driving in his car, or be spraying himself down with Very Sexy For Him. I wonder a lot if he would make fun of me for constantly changing my mind in life. I wonder what advice he’d give me when I stress the small stuff. I wonder a lot. 29.
I am writing this for two reasons (well, three I suppose… I listed one above). One, to share with his family and friends that I am thinking of them all and am always here for them. And two, to make this pledge to live life. To live life like Steve and always be smiling and laughing. To always be goofy and always have fun. To be adventurous and to look at things with such light. Because life is too short to be holding on to anger and grudges. It’s too short to be sad and miserable. Life is tough, there is no doubt about it. But you can either live it or let it pass you by, missing out on so many opportunities to be happy.
A quote I literally say all of the time is to never let a day go by without letting those in your life know what they mean to you. There are so many things I longed to have said to Steve. I wrote them to him, but I wish I could have said them to him. 2009 really opened my eyes, and I tell myself that quote every day. If even by sending a quick text to someone, it’s so important to share with each other what they mean to you. No argument or disagreement is really worth never speaking to someone again.
To Steve: Wishing you a Happy 29th Birthday! As cliche as this sounds, I am saying it purposely because I know you would be covering your mouth with your hand and cracking up, followed by making fun of me until I throw something at you… But while we all miss you on your birthday, you were our gift. Each and every one of us who knew you and spent time with you are truly better because of you.